On Singing

I sing often. Usually when I’m alone. But I’ve been known to sing in public too, belting out “Summertime” as I wander stacks of sale merchandise as though other shoppers were really interested in my a capella debut. This has always embarrassed my mother to the point that she won’t shop with me anymore.

Spontaneous public performances aside, I usually sing in the comforting confines of my car, in harmony or disharmony (depending on the day) with whoever is belting out a tune from my CD player. It’s a good concert hall, with its tinted windows and tacky, stained cloth covered seats. There are a few wrappers, tissues and flyers strewn about on the floor. It’s just the type of place I’d be invited to sing if I actually did it for a living----you know, semi-seedy, small, older club surrounded by people who really aren’t interested in listening to the band so much as getting good and drunk and then good and laid.

The shower is another favorite singing venue of mine. The acoustics are great in there. There’s something about tile enclosures that help sound bounce in a new way. Everyone sounds good singing in the shower. And the water is cleansing---like cleansing your palette between sips of a delectable wine—the water cleanses the spirit so it can unabashedly burst forth in the splendor of song… “The bath is alive with the sounds of music….” Sometimes I make up songs in there, usually about my cats, who, upon hearing them twitch their ears and whiskers and give me a thoughtful look that says something like, “And you actually wonder why you are still single?” To my credit, they do seem to prefer my a capella shower solos to the punk music I’m fond of playing at the higher end of the decibel scale when I clean house.

I sing because I have to. Music bubbles from within me and bursts forth. It isn’t concerned about propriety or impropriety. It only knows the desire to be known, spoken, expressed, understood. It pours from the depths of the soul and is therefore sacred. I heard somewhere that Gregorian chants came about because monks, after taking a vow of silence, became depressed. Chanting their prayers helped ease the depression by connecting them through sound.

We are all meant to sing, even if the music snobs would have us think otherwise. You know who they are---they are the ones who will tell you you can’t carry a tune or that you were a little flat, a little sharp or your rhythm is off. But really, their comments are about insecurity. We are conditioned to be insecure about our voices because people are uncomfortable with expression and creativity. So they try to dampen it.

It is our job to reclaim the power of using our voice in song. We need to sing with abandon and reclaim our right to be heard. Everything in our bodies, from our heartbeat to the rustle of blood through our arteries and organs, is based on sound and rhythm. Our heart beats, our blood gurgles. It sings. Within us. We are all walking symphonies; songs waiting to be sung, to be released, to be heard. We need only take the courageous step, move forward with confidence, open our mouth and sing.

We must sing. It’s our birthright. Sing loudly. Sing often. Sing on key or off -- just sing.

Oh, Mendocino!

The beginning of April found a newly reborn spring creeping into the landscape. It also found me celebrating a milestone birthday. Hence, I decided to celebrate with a vacation to the Northern California Coast with my sister (and best friend), Josie.

We started our adventure on March 29 (a few days before my actual birthday, but I wanted to take a week and get discounted rates for the digs), leaving from Sacramento around noon. Josie and I are both pack rats, and we loaded up the car with all our clothes, toiletries, computers, pillows, cameras, music, my banjo, writing stuff, journals, and more books than either of us could possibly read in one week. Then we sped down I-5, where we were buffeted around a good deal by some very heavy winds. I don’t know what the speed was, but it was strong enough that I had to fight to keep my little compact car on the road. I really felt sorry for the folks on motorcycles. And I was really glad we had loaded the car around with so many books, since they are heavy. It was the only time during the trip that I actually wished we had brought more books.

We took Highway 20 which connected us from I-5 to 101. The road is a two lane, windy number, with some beautiful scenery and small to tiny towns nestled in the crooks of its long arms, with patches of nature in between. We stopped at Foster’s Freeze for a bathroom break. I decided that since I was on vacation (and an almost birthday girl to boot), I was going to enjoy a blueberry-chocolate shake. What a delicious treat---thick, cool and sweet. We enjoyed our goodies whilst looking across the street at Clearlake and watching the tree leaves wave to us in the wind.

We arrived in Fort Bragg around 6 p.m., where I had reserved a cottage. The place had themed rooms and we ended up in the “Lighthouse Room.” When I made the initial reservation, I’d requested the “Moose Room,” because it had a cozy, cabin-like feel, with wood paneling on the walls. But the innkeeper suggested the “Lighthouse Room” because it had been recently remodeled and had a full bath. The room had a darling little sitting area in the front, with two small wooden chairs and a small wooden table. There was a nice shade tree in front of the window, and a lovely, melodic lighthouse wind chime in the tree. We heard that little instrument throughout our stay, which we both found both relaxing and uplifting.

As one would expect, the room had numerous light houses throughout…on the quilts, on the artwork, in the bathroom. I found it to be a very positive omen since light houses represent hope and safety and the last two years had been a bit of a challenge for a variety of reasons. The room was small, with a queen sized bed, two night stands, the cute little table with two chairs right in front of the window, and then a full kitchen and full bath. The cottages supplied all the cooking utensils and we ate most of our meals in, although we did venture out for a few culinary adventures during our stay.

Naturally, we put in quite a bit of beach time. We went to a really neat cove the first night and watched the sun set over the ocean. I read a book and did some writing (mostly poetry and a little bit of journaling), while Josie explored the area and took pictures. Afterwards we did a short hike, admired trees and flowers and just took in the healing ocean air. Another day we ended up hiking along the coast line until we found a little beach that was completely private. No one else came the entire two hours we were there. I sat on a rock, prayed, meditated, thought about deep and frivolous things, then did more writing. Then I walked along the shoreline and watched the waves lap along the shore, tossing treasures like careless trash onto the sand. I also explored some caves in which I discovered what I later found out were ocean roaches. They look a lot like regular segmented roaches, except they are grey instead of brown. I found myself a little wigged out by them (I’m not a roach person, although I do like spiders, ladybugs and the like)---so I didn’t venture too far into the cave once I noticed them. They were crawling on the walls and the ceiling of the cave and I had visions of one of them falling on me, which would have been really icky. So, I opted to observe them for a few moments in their homes and then left them their caves. I appreciated that they allowed me to examine their surroundings. I really would have liked to have explored the caves, but the roach thing was too much for me. I think it is PTSD stuff from growing up in the south where some roaches fly. These didn’t have wings, but they were still kind of creepy.

We also went on a lovely (and long) hike to a pygmy forest. The trees in this particular area were stunted because of poor soil quality. It was kind of sad and fascinating at the same time, walking among all these little dwarf evergreens and such. I actually felt tall, but it made me kind of mournful too. The trees try their best to grow strong, but they just don’t have the nourishment they need. They had some really cute, tiny pine cones that were all over the place. I really wanted to take some home with me, but it is against park regulations, so I left them where I found them.

During that hike we also had the honor of seeing a variety of critters: a small snake (we watched him slide along the underpass of the road), a jumping spider (we were able to get close enough to see his multiple eyes---really cool), lizards, a variety of birds and squirrels. The snake and spiders were the most fascinating to me. I rarely get to see snakes, in particular, and just love to observe them in their natural habitat. It is one of the reasons I enjoy hiking so much. I found myself relaxed from being immersed in nature for most of the day, which was a welcome change from my normal noise polluted city environment.

The hike to the pygmy forest took about 2.5 hours, as we took pictures of flowers and stuff along the way. Then we sat on the trail, where Josie read and napped and I ate an apple and wrote. I had a brainstorm for a really cool story that I plan to write as soon as I can find an 8-10 hour block of time to devote to it. I need at least that much free time in order to get the rough draft down. It’s still percolating in my head, so it will eventually be birthed. I also wrote some poetry before heading back. That evening, I enjoyed a long soak in the tub, which was heavenly.

One of the highlights of the trip was the ice cream shop on Main Street in Ft. Bragg. We went there almost daily and tried out such delightful flavors as ginger, blackberry chocolate, black forest and mushroom. The mushroom ice cream was made with candy cap mushrooms that are so sweet the ice cream doesn’t have added sugar. The clerk showed us one of them. They have a mild maple syrup flavor. Funny things, fungi---who would have thought mushroom ice cream would actually be good?

We also made sure to visit every bookstore we could find in Ft. Bragg and Mendocino. I dropped a lot of dollars in those stores, and added weight to my car in anticipation of more high winds for the drive home (well, that was the rationalization anyway.) I added so many books to my collection that I actually had to weed out some of my old ones when I got home. Of particular note were two books on writing poetry that I plan to work with as time allows this summer. I pretty much always check out bookstores when I visit new places. I love to support independent book stores and the coast has plenty of them. I tried to visit the local music store, but it was closed. However, I did manage to find some banjo finger picks in a store that was a combination music and camera place. I have difficulty finding ones small enough for my fingers. I should have picked up more than two, but I think I wanted an excuse to go back to the coast sometime. And what better excuse than to buy banjo picks that you can’t find anywhere else?

April 2, my actual birthday, started out with rain. I love the rain, so this was not a bad thing. I had plenty of layers and clothing for all sorts of weather. I’d even bought a wool hat with ear flaps on it, as well as some wool mittens, in town early on in the trip, because we experienced a fearsome wind chill factor. I stayed toasty and happy after purchasing those puppies. Anyway, I stayed in visiting with Josie, who unfortunately had a migraine in the morning. Then I went on a solo hike while she rested. I ended up going to a state park, where I hiked out to the ocean. Along the way I saw a ton of cute little squirrels---all of whom were way too used to people. They obviously are used to being fed, because they’d come really close to me. It was cool and sad at the same time, because while I liked getting some up close squirrel time, it isn’t good that they are learning to associate people with food. I didn’t feed them because I don’t feed wild critters in their natural habitat. I also saw some seals sunning themselves on rocks a bit from shore, as well as a few frolicking along the rocky areas of the beach.

Then I hiked down to a tide pool area. The place was pretty deserted---there was a lone fisherman on a rock out a way into the water, the seals in the distance, the squirrels on the trails, a Raven on another rock, and me. I carefully walked among the rocks and peered into tide pools where I had the honor of viewing some beautiful anemones, limpets, mussels, crabs and fish. I stayed there for a really long time just digging on the miraculous beauty and diversity of nature. I had hoped to see some starfish, but I wasn’t there early enough and it wasn’t a super low tide. The anemones were everywhere and I had to be really careful not to step on them accidentally because they can look a lot like dirt clumps when they aren’t in the water and/or open. I also spent a fair amount of time just gazing out at the sea and saying silent prayers of gratitude for those particular moments in time. Then I went back to the cottage to check on Josie, who thankfully had gotten over her headache.

Since Josie was feeling better, we headed to Mendocino, where I discovered a coffee shop owned by my favorite coffee distributor, Thanksgiving Coffee Company. I found out they are based in Fort Bragg. They have a coffee (“Delicious Peace”) that is bought from a small Ugandan Cooperative made up of Jewish, Muslim and Christian coffee growers. The coffee is purchased at Fair Trade prices, and then an additional dollar of every bag sold is contributed back to the cooperative to help with expansion, education, etc. I like this company because it is a real example of how by working together and overcoming our differences, we can foster peace and help one another to attain a better quality of life---and I don’t just mean financially. I mean a better quality of life because when we work in cooperation and respect differences, everyone comes out ahead.

I enjoyed a birthday treat and a latte at the shop! I felt like I’d been spoiled beyond belief to have a chance to be on the coast, wandering around all day, and then to have dessert and a cup of fair-trade coffee made with beans purchased from a peace oriented cooperative in Uganda to end the day. The day was so perfect it felt like I might actually be seeing that sunlight after being in the long, dark tunnel of the last two years. I felt very grateful, and my heart felt very whole, very grounded. Everything just felt so right.

After that, we wandered along the coast and watched seals frolic in the distance, as we huddled, trudging through the wind, listening to the sea’s symphony.

The next day we had to head back home. I took Josie to the tide pools before we left, and opted to ditch my Friday night poetry class in exchange for more time at the ocean. I figured since I’d done a lot of poetry rough sketches, there was no harm. I can’t wait to go back to the ocean. There is something about moving water that I find soothing; it feeds my soul in much the same way music does. I feel that way about nature in general, but especially nature in conjunction with rivers, creeks or oceans. I can’t wait to go back and one day I hope to own some land with some water running through it, or to live on the coast. I hear my soul speaking in the whisper of the water’s flow and I’d like to hear that a little more often.

Hanging Amy Ray

The Indigo Girls are one of my favorite musical duos. And Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls is one of my favorite solo artists. And one of my favorite fantasies is to hang out with Amy for a day and have deep intellectual discussions about art, culture, politics, the environment, spirituality, writing and life in general. But I’ve never been offered the chance, and being as we run with different crowds, live on different coasts, and—oh yeah—the fact that we are both busy as hell---it’s unlikely to ever happen.

I joined Amy’s street team a while ago to help promote her music. They recently sent out the call asking for volunteers to hang up posters advertising her upcoming shows in applicable cities throughout the United States. I figured that hanging Amy’s posters up was at least a partial fulfillment of my fantasy (after all “hanging” and “Amy” were significant ingredients in both), so I volunteered to plaster posters all over Santa Cruz, California.

My wonderful sister Josie, who has always been a supporter of many of the things I am enthusiastic about, offered to serve as photographer for the mission. This was much appreciated because it would have been pretty difficult for me to hang posters and take pictures of myself at the same time, even if it would have made for some interesting shots. And a tripod would have been cumbersome, especially with all the other crap I was carrying around in my typical overachiever’s effort to be prepared.

The posters were scheduled to arrive the week of January 5th, but didn’t actually reach California until January 12th. They were sent priority mail from Georgia on the 7th, according to the date stamp, which means that they took 5 days to reach California. I’m thinking that maybe the USPS is a little more laid back about “priorities” than I am. Then again, this is California and I was hanging in Santa Cruz, which means that a laid back start was perfectly appropriate, all things considered.

I called Josie to let her know the posters had arrived; we compared our schedules and decided that Saturday, January 17, was the perfect day for a poster hanging date. This gave us plenty of time before the January 30 concert, but not so much time that the posters would become such a regular part of the landscape of the city that they would cease to be noticed.

When the 17th rolled around, I set up my cat sitter for the weekend, packed the car full of stuff and headed to the Bay Area. I dropped a bunch of stuff off at Josie’s house, then we headed to Santa Cruz armed with 15 concert posters, a staple gun, extra staples, tape, tacks, a GPS and a tremendous amount of energy and enthusiasm. This was my first time doing anything like this and I learned that the most important things to have on a mission like this (besides the posters, of course) are the energy and enthusiasm. The whole process of hanging up posters involves a lot of walking, getting in and out of a car and handling rejection from people who either lack the inclination or space (or sometimes both) for you to post. Due to my infectious enthusiasm about things I’m passionate about, I’m generally good at sales (as long as I believe in the product), so it was not difficult in most cases to garner permission from a property or store owner to post, and I even had some folks that seemed apologetic that they did not have a space they could donate.

We initially arrived at downtown Santa Cruz around 3 p.m. to find that fellow street team members (or maybe just other Amy Ray fans) had already hit the music and record stores in the area. However, there was plenty of territory still to be covered and we were successful in hanging all of our posters. We found some really creative spaces and had a lot of fun as well.

In one café we met a very enthusiastic Indigo Girls/Amy Ray fan who attempted to filch a poster under the guise of hanging it for us. However, upon questioning she copped to planning to hang it in the back (where only employees would see it---and I suspect it would have only been brought to the back and then hung on a wall where only she could see it). I told her we really needed to hang it where the public could see it. However, I did give her all the details of the upcoming show, encouraged her to come and told her to check out Daemon Record’s website because I recalled Amy had a place on the site where people could download tour posters.


As we walked farther down the street I noticed an interesting shop with white paper covering most of the top of the front window and door, with a few fliers for events posted to the left of the door. It looked like some sort of creative arts gallery that wasn’t opened yet. However, I noticed that the door was slightly ajar, so I opened it and poked my head inside, where I spied a very nice man doing some sort of construction work. He looked a bit startled (I guess not many people accost him throughout the day since the business was obviously a work in progress) when I asked him if I could hang a poster advertising Amy Ray’s upcoming tour. He asked me if Amy was “one of the Indigo Girls.” I told him she was the “darker half” of the Indigo girls, but this concert was in support of one of her solo albums. He said he liked their music and told me to go ahead and hang the poster on the front door. I proceeded to hang up the poster to the melodious sounds of a table saw and the odor of some sort of industrial dust. The spot he offered was better than I had hoped for, since all of the few other fliers that were not related to the gallery itself were to the side of the door. So Amy got center placement right under an advertisement for a female poet named Ellen Bass. Way cool!

We also posted at “The Diversity Center,” a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center. The sign said “closed,” but the door was open, so I popped in and asked if I could hang the poster up. The very nice young man said I could put the flier in the front window, right next to the business hours sign. I was really excited about that one because the center is part of our queer community and Amy is a queer artist (and an artist who supports the queer community), so it seemed a natural place for one of her posters.

A lot of the other postings were on community bulletin boards and/or front windows in cafes, coffee shops, and small businesses. We also hung a few posters on community bulletin boards at the UC Santa Cruz campus, because I have visions of a whole new generation of Amy Ray fans.

I’ve got this thing about respect and honor, so I refused to pull anyone else’s fliers off the community boards, or to cover them, unless the event or service they were advertising had already passed. This meant that I sometimes had limited space in which to post, so I actually had to do some climbing to get to a free spot on some boards. I’m not that tall, so this meant that I had to stretch and balance a bit, which made for an interesting exercise routine. It’s a good thing I’m in shape. Josie kept worrying that I was going to fall and break something, but thankfully I didn’t.

It turned out that throughout the day I used all modes of adhesion at my disposal: tape, tacks and staples, so being an overachiever turned out to be an asset. Although some store owners offered us tape, no one offered us staples or tacks, which means that without those supplies we would have been working an even longer day. By the end of the day I even remembered to put the safety lock on the staple gun automatically without Josie having to remind me, much to Josie’s relief (she was worried I might accidentally shoot her with it.)

At one point in our journey, I counted the posters and said, “We only have six left to hang.” We hung a few more and I did another count and said, “There are six again,” which just goes to show that you should never ask an English major to do anything related to math (including keeping score in Scrabble, as many of my friends will attest).

I am grateful to the following businesses that allowed us to post the fliers and/or had community bulletin boards available for us to do so: Bad Ass Coffee Company, Alfresco, The Storefront Gallery, Hoffman’s Bakery and Bistro, UCSC, The Diversity Center, The Crepe Center, The Krate, Santa Cruz Bookstore and Borders Books and Music. If you feel so inclined, please show your support of their support by supporting their business (and hey, we’ll all be supporting the economy, which needs all the support it can get right now.)

We hung our last poster at about 8:15 p.m. So, the process took about 4 hours, when you exclude breaks for dinner, toilet time, and for the photographer to satisfy her sweet tooth with a piece of triple chocolate mousse cake. And we took a quick perusal through a book store or two, as well (nothing, even an Amy Ray mission, can keep me from perusing a book store).

The upcoming show will be at the Rio in Santa Cruz on January 30, 2009 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $15.00 in advance or $19.00 at the door and may be purchased on line at www.riotheatre.com or in person at Streetlight Records in Santa Cruz. If you can’t make it to this show, you can check out Amy’s webpage at www.reverbnation.com (or just look at the little show schedule in her corner on my webpage) to find out about other shows on the tour. She has a healthy winter tour schedule planned, with new dates added frequently, so check back often if you don’t see a city near you listed. She’ll probably eventually get there.

Pondering Thanks

Thanksgiving is on the horizon: I can see the edge of it through the murky lenses of 2008, beckoning me to pay it homage, to quiet my ever restless mind and spirit, and to take time to think about what I am thankful for this year (since a lifetime of thankfulness would take more space and time than I have right now). I try to be grateful daily, to offer prayers/thoughts of gratitude each day and to make gratitude and Thanksgiving a way of being, a way I walk in the world. But, like most people, sometimes I get busy and the gratefulness I feel doesn't always get acknowledged to any source, including myself. On those days, I'm not even sure I can access my gratitude and I feel much like a spoiled child, whiny and in need of a nap.
But right now, I am very much in the now and pondering the things for which I am Thankful. They are:

1. My friends.(I would mention them all by name, but I'd probably inadvertently leave someone out and hurt their feelings so I'll just say: you guys know who you are!) Each one of you enriches my life by sharing your spirits, hopes, dreams, struggles, thoughts, etc. with me and I am eternally grateful. Many of you have offered loving support when times have been difficult, kindness when I felt bruised and battered, laughter when I started taking life and myself too seriously and help when I needed assistance. You are some of the greatest treasures in my life. Thank you for sharing part of your life's journey with me; it is an honor to be walking with you along life's ever winding path.

2. My cat,Willow, who keeps me company, offers purrs and meows, and teaches me patience, love, kindness and responsibility on a daily basis. Animals are so unconditionally loving, so forgiving and so wonderful. And Willow makes sure that I know my place in the hierarchy (below her, of course), which is a pretty good thing to remember when I start to get full of myself. I also give thanks for Raven, who died this year, but who was a blessing in our lives for the time she was with us, offering companionship and comfort in her own quiet and gentle way.

3. My Methodist Church home. I am thankful that they stand against the tide of the Christian Right and take a public stance in accepting gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered and intersexed persons, as well as welcoming every person regardless of age, economic or social standing, disability or mental or physical illness. Although not a perfect church, they are a welcoming, loving, growing church that I feel really seeks to live and walk as Christ walked. I have been so enriched by the programs offered and the people I have met, from the pastoral staff to the members. I also appreciate that they give me the freedom to figure out God on my own terms and even though I don't believe that there is only one road to God, or even in heaven and hell as the Bible writes them out, they still accept, love and welcome me into their sacred space. It is lovely to be in a church where I can think critically, question and still worship in a traditional sense. What a gift.

4. This year in particular, I am grateful to be gainfully employed in a job that I love, doing work that matters. It is so easy to resent work, or feel that one gives too much time to it (and sometimes, I'll admit, I feel that way), but I realize that I make a good wage, I have an intellectually challenging position, I have wonderful retirement and health benefits and I am able to pay bills. With the economy so bad, I realize that there are many people unemployed and many more who are employed in jobs that pay less than a liveable wage. Likewise, many folks don't have health insurance, so I'm very thankful to have what I have in this area.

5. I am grateful for music, literature and the arts, and the part they play in my life both as a creator and as a patron. My life is so enriched by the creative talents of so many people, some famous, some not famous, who share their creative spark and energy with the rest of us. This is such a lovely gift, because I think all creative work displays a piece of the creator's soul and is also a sacrifice of their time and being. That people still take the time to do this, especially if they are not being paid to do so, is heartwarming and inspiring to me. Likewise, I am thankful for my own creativity and the art that springs from its constantly flowing fountain.

6. I am grateful to be in a country where I have the freedom to freely state my views and opinions, even if they are unpopular. While I don't always agree with everything my government does, and on many levels am not happy with American culture (the violence, materialism, etc), I am still grateful to be in a place where I have freedom to try to facilitate positive change without fearing for my life or freedom, and to be in a country that tries its best (thought not always successfully) to ensure freedom and equality for everyone.

7. I'm thankful for food, shelter and the fact that I am able to get all my basic needs met. There are so many people in so many countries (including the USA) who lack these resources. Similarly, I am thankful for the people that I often take for granted, but who help to make sure I have the food and stuff that I need: the farmers (especially small organic farms who have to go through so much extra work to make sure we get healthful food), the clerks of stores, the janitors who clean the building where I work, the garbage collectors, the police and fire departments who keep the city safe and respond in emergencies, and so many others. Every person who is working is providing a service and I am the recipient of much of their work. Many of the jobs are under or unappreciated and I give thanks to workers in those positions because the work they do is as important as the work anyone else does.

8. I'm grateful for my health. It is so easy to take for granted.

9. I'm thankful for my wonderful neighbors, Teresita and Senon, who go above and beyond simply being good neighbors. I am thankful for their friendship, their constant help through the year and for the wonderful conversations we have when we visit. They are such a blessing in my life and I love them dearly.

10. I am thankful for nature and animals and to live in a place where I can easily get to a river, mountains, the ocean or desert. I am thankful for the lessons of nature and the serenity it grants me.

11. I am thankful that it is raining as I write this. I love the rain and we have had very little of it so far this year.

12. I'm thankful for all the lessons this year has taught me, even though some of them have been difficult and not fun. Likewise, I'm thankful for the mistakes I have made and what I have learned from them. And I'm thankful that I will continue making mistakes and learning from them. This year has been hard on so many levels, but I'm optimistic that good will come out of all the struggle.

13. I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to share 26 years with my step-father, Bob, who died this year. He was a profoundly positive influence in my life, even if we didn't agree politically. I continue to have a great deal of respect for him, and I love him more than he realized, I think. I hope that where ever he is now and whatever he is doing, he knows how very much he meant and still means to me.

14. I'm thankful for my sister, Josie, who is my best friend, a wonderful companion, a great proof reader and a patient, generous, loving and kind person. I learn so much from her! She is awesome and continues to be an inspiration to me.

15. I'm thankful for the presence of God/Creator/Whatever/Whoever (that spiritual source of infinite wisdom that can't fit into any one religion, but who is a constant companion) in my life.

16. I am thankful for all the support my community (LGBTI) has gotten from straight allies in the fight for civil rights. I know so many straight folks who are fighting this fight side by side with us, of all faith traditions, nationalities, ethnic groups, etc. Thanks for stepping out to the front lines with us. It means a great deal to me.

17. I'm thankful that my mother passed on a love of reading to me and that she has supported and encouraged my writing from a young age. Books are some of my best friends, and I can't imagine life without them.

18. I am also thankful for all the little kindnesses strangers have shown me this year: letting me merge into a lane of congested traffic, letting me ahead in line when I've had one item and they've had a bunch of items, offering me a smile when I am feeling really down and alone, holding the door open when my hands are full...these little things do make a difference to those of us on the receiving end.

I could add a lot more to this list, but I actually have a bunch of other things I need to do today. :) I will continue to try to walk with gratitude as a daily companion, realizing that it is still a powerful exercise to list things I'm grateful for every now and again.
May anyone reading this be blessed with an abundance of things to be thankful for each and every day of their life! Happy Thanksgiving!

Thoughts on Proposition 8

As many of you know, I was (and still am) an avid and active proponent of the "No on Proposition 8" campaign. I was against this measure for personal reasons and because I believe strongly in both the first and fourteenth Amendments of the U.S. Constitution. The 1st Amendment guarantees various freedoms (for all) and the 14th Amendment guarantees equal protection under the law (for all.)
One of the freedoms guaranteed under the 1st Amendment is the freedom of religion. This means that EVERYONE is free to worship as he or she chooses and that no one has a right to force their religious views on another person. Many folks in favor of Proposition 8 are in favor of it on religious grounds: because, in their view, God (as they understand God) has defined marriage as between a man and a woman. I do not recall ever reading that in the Bible, but these folks have a right to their interpretation as long as they don't force it on me, because they have a right to freely practice their religion, which means they have a right to decide what God says to them.
However, those who voted in favor of Prop 8 for religious reasons blurred the lines between church and state by choosing to legislate their religious beliefs on society at large. This means that those of us who do not subscribe to this interpretation of marriage are being forced to give up our rights to appease those who do. Doesn't this mean that those of us who don't subscribe to this religious definition of marriage are being denied our right to freedom of religion? I am a Christian who attends a church that recognizes and accepts gay people as children of God. The majority (though not all) of the congregates support gay marriage. And I feel as strongly about this as a Christian, using my interpretation of Jesus and the Bible, as those who are for Proposition 8 feel, using their interpretations of Jesus and the Bible (or whatever other holy book they may be referencing). Therefore, in an exercise of my religious freedom, I want gay people to be able to marry (which they can, uh, were, able to in my church until November 4, 2008).
Now, I understand that many pro-8 folks were concerned that their religious freedom might be thwarted if 8 did not pass, and they would be forced to marry people in their churches. As avid a supporter as I am for gay rights on a civil rights level, I am equally avid in supporting the right of ANY CHURCH to refuse to marry gay people (or divorced people, or co-habitating people, etc.) in their church if this would be in conflict with their understanding of God and their interpretation of God's laws. This is something I believe these folks should be entitled to under the 1st Amendment's guarantee of religious freedom. And I would argue against anyone who felt otherwise, because these folks have a right to their opinion and to exercise that opinion WITHIN their church.
But in the same line of thinking, under the 14th Amendment, Gay people should be able to enjoy the civil and legal protections of marriage. The 14th Amendment says that "no state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due process of the law; nor deny any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." Since marriage has traditionally only been granted to heterosexual couples, homosexuals have not enjoyed the equal protections of the law. However, if we operate under the 14th Amendment, Gay persons should be able to get married and enjoy all the rights and benefits, civilly and legally, that marriage affords heterosexual couples in this country. Anything less than that is a violation of the 14th Amendment. I would also argue that granting the right, and then taking it away, is a violation of the 14th Amendment, because at that point you are not only denying equal protection, but are also abridging the privileges of a minority group of people.
It gets a little tricky, but I think the problem is that some of the pro-8 folks are looking at marriage as strictly a religious issue. However, although marriage has a religious aspect (for some folks), it also has civil and legal aspects (for all folks). Proposition 8 denies gay people of the civil and legal aspects of marriage, in violation of the 14th Amendment (by my interpretation). However, if proposition 8 is overturned on this line of reasoning, then it should be written into law that any church that does not wish to recognize these marriages (or perform them) has a right not to, without any legal, financial or other repercussions, because people also have a right to their religious freedom under the 1st Amendment. This way both sides would be protected under the constitution, which was the whole point of the Amendments in the first place.
Thus far, I have focused on rights and beliefs. But this campaign also brought out behaviors that sadden and disturb me: vandalism of churches and personal property, picketing at places of worship and verbal and physical attacks. Some members of the anti-8 contingent are apparently committing acts of violence, vandalism, etc. against those who are pro-8 (or are perceived as pro-8). Some pro-8 folks also are committing (or have committed) these sorts of atrocities against those who are anti-8 (or perceived to be anti-8). While I understand strong feelings and think people have a right to feel angry, I also believe strongly that no one on either side should be engaging in violent or illegal means to get their point across. It does nothing to facilitate dialogue and only makes people on the "other side" of the issue demonize all members of the group (even though it is only a small number of either group that is engaging in this sort of behavior.)
I hope that all of us will realize that when we read bad things that pro-8 folks have allegedly done, or bad things that anti-8 people have allegedly done, we keep in mind that this represents only a minority of the total people in either group, and does not speak for either group as a whole. I firmly believe that most of the people in both groups are decent people who have a strong opinion on this issue. Every one of us, no matter where we stand on the issue, have a right to express that opinion in a peaceful, lawful way (there's that 1st Amendment again). I would also encourage people on both sides of the issue to stop saying "the pro-8 people did...[insert negative action here] ... which just goes to show they are [insert negative criticism here"] or "the anti-8 people did [insert negative action here]...which just goes to show [insert negative criticism here]." We CANNOT and MUST NOT define all the members of a group based on the actions of a few members of that group. The only thing these incidents prove is that ALL groups have some people who make poor choices, use poor judgment and do illegal things. It does NOT mean that every person in that group should be defined by these actions. For example, although many people think that ALL Mormons were in favor of prop 8, there are actually some Mormons who were against it. They have a website and even had a video stating their beliefs. And I would hate to see them judged for actions by some members of their community; it isn't fair and it isn't Christlike.
I know in my heart that most of the people who are in favor of proposition 8 are decent, hardworking, loving people and that the majority of them have not done anything illegal (vandalism, threats, assault, trespassing, etc). This is not to say that NONE of them have, but I believe that the majority of them, just like the majority of us, are just decent people trying to have their voice heard and their views considered. By the same token, I would urge their side to also realize that if a small number of members in our community engage in this type of behavior, it DOES NOT mean that all or even most of us do. Like them, the majority of us are law abiding, decent, loving, hardworking people, who are attempting to have our voices heard and our opinions considered.
And until someone is apprehended for a crime, I don't really assume to know who perpetrated it. In a hot issue like this, it could be someone within the ranks of either side attacking their own side to give the "other" side bad press, it could be someone on the "other" side who isn't using their best judgment, or it could simply be someone who really doesn't care about either side, but enjoys stirring up the pot and causing trouble (there are people like that in the world, unfortunately). I would encourage all of us to think more critically and less judgmentally during this process. And I mean ALL of us, which means ALL members on BOTH sides of this issue.
And for those of you who think this is "easy for me to say, " let me share with you that I had my property vandalized on election night. When I came home in the evening, someone had pasted a "Yes on 8" bumper sticker on my car. They came onto my personal property to do this, and I'm sure they did it in response to my "No on 8" sign in the window. I felt plenty violated, because this issue affects me directly and they trespassed on my property and showed extreme disrespect and immaturity. And I was hurt and angry and I cried---really hard---because I felt violated on a very deep level. However, I know that this was a SINGLE act by possibly a SINGLE person and is not something many people in favor of 8 would have done or encouraged. It is not easy to respond as Christ would have responded (which is to say to feel the negative feelings, but not retaliate or hate all members of the group that perpetrated the crime) and it is not easy to stay objective, but I would argue that it is necessary if we are to be beacons of light in this world. And I want to be a beacon of light in this world, which means that I must have the integrity and character to respond in appropriate ways (which means legal and non-violent) to incidents like this. I also believe it is necessary if we wish to be heard. We are already in a minority. We don't need to give people any excuses to hate us, or see us as hypocrites, or to demonize us. We get enough of that without actively courting the judgment.
Although I do not agree with the pro-8 position, I respect individual members of the group as human beings. I hope and pray (and yes, I actually do pray) that they can see folks like myself who are on "the other side" of this issue, as human beings as well. And I hope that at some point we can facilitate peaceful dialogue so that everyone's rights are protected and we can allow each other to live in harmony with our individual values and peacefully side by side.
In the meantime, I will continue to fight for my right to marry, using whatever legal and peaceful means I can. I do not wish, nor would I facilitate or encourage, harm on anyone or their property and I encourage the members of my community to conduct themselves in an exemplary manner, treating others (especially those who disagree with you) as you would like to be treated. This means loving them as Christ loves all people, turning the other cheek if they attack you or your property (but filing the appropriate police reports, obviously) and remembering not to demonize the entire group based on the actions of a few of its members.
Likewise, I really discourage people picketing outside churches. A church is a sacred place of worship and should be respected as such. If people (such as Mormons) believe differently than me, they have that right under the 1st amendment and should be able to worship in peace. By the same token, if people (such as many of those in my church) believe that gays should be able to marry, they should also be able to worship in peace. America is big enough for all of us to embrace a loving God as we understand God. Let's give each other some space to do that, and keep the protests on the Capitol, in the newspapers, on the web and in other appropriate places, where they belong.

Where the Hell Does My Time Go?

Here it is the end of another day, and I still have a long list of things that I either need or want (or both) to do and I am getting too tired to do much of anything. I am wondering where my time goes! Seriously, I don't understand boredom or how anyone can get bored (who has time to be bored when there is so much to do and experience)? For that matter, I don't understand how anyone can have time to watch television. I have a really difficult time watching movies. Case to point: I currently have five movies checked out of the library. Why five? Because that is the limit and when I go in, I find a lot that look interesting. Anyway, I have had them for six weeks and have watched nary a one. Some of them are due on Monday and I can renew them for one more three week period before my time runs out. And I think I'll be lucky to view two of them before I have to return them. And I mean really lucky.
So, I'm wondering where the hell my time goes. Okay, there is the obvious time-sucker known as work. Work is a heavy duty, super-duper charged vacuum that sucks time like there is no tomorrow. If we had an actual vacuum that could suck dirt like work sucks time, we would live in an incredibly clean place and there would be no dust mites or their resultant feces (known more commonly as dust). And all the allergic prone people of the world would enjoy a much nicer existence with clear noses and no antihistamine induced mental fogs. But I digress. Back to work: okay, so there is 10 hours.
Exercise. Right. I try to do that 30 minutes daily. Banjo---another 30 minutes, but I haven't done that yet tonight, and it is now 11:09 p.m. Self care/cat care: anywhere from 1 to 2.5 hours per day, I estimate, if I include showers, brushing teeth, eating, etc. Chores (and I do pathetically little of these; really, the bare minimum if truth be told): during the week only about 30 minutes to an hour. Often not even that; I save chores up for the weekend, when I rush like mad to do them all and then wonder why I have no time on the weekends. Writing: another 15 minutes to 2 hours, if you include e-mail and blog entries. Phone calls: hmmmm...not sure I want to disclose that. Generally not much during the week, but put my sister on the line and we could talk for two hours. Literally. The only thing that cuts the conversation short is that one of the phones has a battery that decides it is going to get some sleep, even if we aren't, and so it ends our conversation quite abruptly. Thinking deep thoughts...pretty constant, except for when I'm thinking not so deep thoughts. How do I find time for sleep anyway? Oh, that's right, I don't, which is why I'm so damn tired and wondering where the hell my time goes. What am I doing when I should be sleeping anyway????? Oh, probably writing a meaningless blog entry about time...
If you should happen to see my time wandering around (doing whatever it is doing other than what I want it to be doing) please tell it to e-mail me. I'd like to spend some time with it--- and to know where it goes on such a regular basis.

Vote: Rock it, Talk it, Walk it, Do it!

Hey, everyone, get out there and VOTE tomorrow. It's important to have your voice heard. I have already done my absentee ballot, but I will have to drop it off at a polling place because I forgot to mail it by the deadline. Although it takes time, I will drop it off because I'm going to make sure my little voice is heard among the masses. (Obviously, I'm a person who likes to have my voice heard, otherwise I wouldn't have a blog, right?)
I have gotten at least 15 e-mails reminding me to vote, reminding me of how important my vote is, giving me a list of reasons to vote, etc., etc. today. It is almost humorous because I have voted in every election but one since I was 18 years old. But I appreciate the passion and caring behind the reminders, so they don't annoy me. On the contrary, I'm happy that people care enough to spend time and energy making sure I remember to do this very important civic duty. So I'm joining them in once again urging you to REMEMBER TO VOTE.
In the midst of all my various e-mails from people reminding me to vote, people talking about the importance of defeating Proposition 8, various liberal organizations whose mailing lists I've been on for years reminding me of their voting recommendations I had a very interesting political e-mail: it was from John McCain urging me to vote and to elect him the next president of the United States. It was paid for by McCain-Palin for President. Now, this is funny because I have never signed up for his mailing list. I'm thinking maybe one of my Republican friends is having a little bit too much fun this election season: Pat? Mom? (Ooops, outed Mom as a Republican, hee, hee).
The letter was actually very respectful and did give me an option to get off the mailing list, so it didn't bother me that he sent it. I took the time to read it, because he (well, at least someone on his staff) took the time to send it. I actually got a little chuckle out of it. Did any other registered democrats (or previous greens) get an e-mail from John McCain? Or am I just special? I've always liked to consider myself objective, so maybe this is just proof positive that I am on all sorts of different mailing lists. Maybe I should send an automated response like my Representatives do when I contact them about some issue dear to my heart: "Dear Senator McCain, Thank you for taking the time to contact me and share your views, which are important to me. After careful consideration, I voted for Obama. Best of luck to you in your future political endeavors...." (Can you tell I get a lot of these sorts of automated responses?)
As an aside, I'm looking for a couch to park my behind on tomorrow night to see the election results roll in. I don't have a television, or at least television reception or cable, because I never have time to watch TV and there is so pathetically little of value on it most of the time. I'm willing to bring a veggie pizza: any takers? How about if I throw in some dessert too? Just send me an e-mail and let me know if you are interested. (Offer valid within Sacramento City Limits only. Offer expires on November 5, 2008 and is void where prohibited by law. This offer paid for by "Kill Your Television Except on Election Day, Inc." This offer is not endorsed by Obama or McCain. Any resemblance to other election day offers, past or present, is purely coincidental.)